People always talk about how parenting is instinctual, and you just know how to do things when you’re the one responsible for a mini person. However, I think there are some things that are not innate skills, and they don’t necessarily come easily! Here’s 5 things I wasn’t a ‘natural’ at:
- Changing a nappy
Yes, it is still gross if it’s your child. Why do people claim it won’t be?! And it’s not as easy as it looks, especially when you are changing him on a hospital bed after very little sleep for 36 hours and there is a tar-like substance coming out of his bum. Also, when he had skinny legs as a newborn his nappies leaked all the time! Luckily he is a little chubster now, but we still get the odd poo explosion.
- Dressing and undressing him.
It’s a fucking fiddly job! Trying to force little limbs into clothes is seriously frustrating, and when you are being watched by a health visitor you suddenly become completely inept. I was trying to stuff his arms back into his top (that I had got stuck over his face) while pretending to be calm, all the while thinking ‘she’s going to see that I don’t have a clue what I’m doing, she’s going to realise I am unfit to be a mother!’ And why do they insist on straightening their legs when you try to put them into a babygro?!
Getting in between fingers and toes while not dropping their slippery little bodies is quite a feat. I haven’t improved on this skill, as B is in charge of bath time, so let’s hope I don’t need to bath TM anytime soon as it may not be a smooth ride.
- Strapping him into a car seat/pram
I couldn’t get the car seat straps to lengthen one day when I was at a friend’s house, and it was such a mission trying to do them up. And the one in the pram does not like to fit over his massive snowsuit, so I end up looking like a complete idiot trying to force my crying child into something. I live in fear of trapping his little fingers too.
- Manoeuvring a pushchair
Really not that easy. I am always bumping into things and people, and when I have to turn…well, let’s just say I ended up with the pram tipped sideways up on two wheels one day, and I was terrified. TM slept through it and I righted it without any major disaster, but I really think they should give you some kind of pram driving lesson before you have a baby. The amount of kerbs I have bumped him up/down is probably some kind of record, too.
I think there are probably a million other things that haven’t come naturally to me, but it would be too depressing to list more than five!