In case you missed it, last week I wrote a post proclaiming my love for biscuits. I’ve got more to say, specifically to tell you which biscuits I love the most and which I prefer to avoid. I’ve enlisted some help in the form of Take The Biscuit. My brother and I have been into Top Trumps games since we were children and a few years ago we got this one. (I’d also recommend Mullet Power Cards and Top of the Drunks). Some of the scoring in Take The Biscuit is outrageous, though.
So here we go with my best biccies:
Essentially, anything with chocolate. I love all biscuits that have chocolate in/on them. Choc hobnobs, every kind of chocolate digestive, chocolate shortbread, bourbons, chocolate viennesse sandwich, Oreos, chocolate malted milks, choco Leibniz and so on. If I were forced to pick a top three…
- This one is controversial. Jaffa Cakes. Are they a cake or a biscuit? Nobody knows. They reside in the biscuit aisle but they are called a cake and the texture is pretty spongey. But they are sold in packs and I eat the whole lot in one go like they are biscuits. I love it when people buy the yards of Jaffa Cakes at Christmas. They make me so happy. I ate them a lot when I was pregnant. Take The Biscuit has woefully underscored Jaffa Cakes though:
- Chocolate chunk cookies. I think the normal cookies with milk chocolate are my favourite, although it depends on the brand as some of the double chocolate ones are divine. You can even get some that are chocolate coated on one side. A chocoholic’s dream. If you don’t like these I’m pretty sure you are certifiably insane.
- Chocolate chip shortbread. So buttery! So chocolatey! So crumbly! Admittedly, slightly dry, but that’s what tea is for.
As much as chocolate biscuits are my favourite I can appreciate a good plain biscuit. A nice digestive or malted milk is good when you’re in need of something bland (or if you want to spread Nutella on your biscuits, but obviously I’d never do that). I’m never quite sure how I feel about rich tea biscuits, though. The name is quite misleading; they’re not exactly rich. I like a ‘Nice’ biscuit best for a plain one, I reckon.
Let’s not forget kids’ favourites Jammie Dodgers and party rings – they make a nice alternative if you don’t fancy something chocolatey (does that happen?). Custard creams are a popular choice! I’m not personally a huge ginger nut fan but they’re ok if there’s nothing else going.
Now, onto the biscuits I don’t particularly enjoy. My general rule is: if you’ve put fruit in it, you’ve ruined it. Why you’d spoil a perfectly good biscuit with a fucking raisin I don’t know. I’m sure people always tried to fob me off with those fruit shortcakes as a child. My three worst biscuits have got to be:
- Pink wafers. These are like eating polystyrene that’s been dyed pink. Somehow these are quite popular but Take the Biscuit agrees with me; they are crap.
- Garibaldis. What the hell is the point?! Just gross.
- Fig rolls. I’m including these mainly because we were gutted when we got the fig roll card in Take the Biscuit. Figs are grim.
There you have it, then. My definitive guide to biscuits!