An ode to biscuits: Part Two

In case you missed it, last week I wrote a post proclaiming my love for biscuits. I’ve got more to say, specifically to tell you which biscuits I love the most and which I prefer to avoid. I’ve enlisted some help in the form of Take The Biscuit. My brother and I have been into Top Trumps games since we were children and a few years ago we got this one. (I’d also recommend Mullet Power Cards and Top of the Drunks). Some of the scoring in Take The Biscuit is outrageous, though.

IMG_5748.jpeg
Great game.

So here we go with my best biccies:

Essentially, anything with chocolate. I love all biscuits that have chocolate in/on them. Choc hobnobs, every kind of chocolate digestive, chocolate shortbread, bourbons, chocolate viennesse sandwich, Oreos, chocolate malted milks, choco Leibniz and so on. If I were forced to pick a top three…

  1. This one is controversial. Jaffa Cakes. Are they a cake or a biscuit? Nobody knows. They reside in the biscuit aisle but they are called a cake and the texture is pretty spongey. But they are sold in packs and I eat the whole lot in one go like they are biscuits. I love it when people buy the yards of Jaffa Cakes at Christmas. They make me so happy. I ate them a lot when I was pregnant. Take The Biscuit has woefully underscored Jaffa Cakes though:

    IMG_5749
    Taste: 6?! Is that a joke?
  2. Chocolate chunk cookies. I think the normal cookies with milk chocolate are my favourite, although it depends on the brand as some of the double chocolate ones are divine. You can even get some that are chocolate coated on one side. A chocoholic’s dream. If you don’t like these I’m pretty sure you are certifiably insane.

    IMG_5746.jpeg
    Taste: 10. YES! This card was one of the best in the pack.
  3. Chocolate chip shortbread. So buttery! So chocolatey! So crumbly! Admittedly, slightly dry, but that’s what tea is for.

 

As much as chocolate biscuits are my favourite I can appreciate a good plain biscuit. A nice digestive or malted milk is good when you’re in need of something bland (or if you want to spread Nutella on your biscuits, but obviously I’d never do that). I’m never quite sure how I feel about rich tea biscuits, though. The name is quite misleading; they’re not exactly rich. I like a ‘Nice’ biscuit best for a plain one, I reckon.

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Taste: 4. Seems pretty harsh, no?

Let’s not forget kids’ favourites Jammie Dodgers and party rings – they make a nice alternative if you don’t fancy something chocolatey (does that happen?). Custard creams are a popular choice! I’m not personally a huge ginger nut fan but they’re ok if there’s nothing else going.

Now, onto the biscuits I don’t particularly enjoy. My general rule is: if you’ve put fruit in it, you’ve ruined it. Why you’d spoil a perfectly good biscuit with a fucking raisin I don’t know. I’m sure people always tried to fob me off with those fruit shortcakes as a child. My three worst biscuits have got to be:

  1. Pink wafers. These are like eating polystyrene that’s been dyed pink. Somehow these are quite popular but Take the Biscuit agrees with me; they are crap.

    IMG_5742.jpeg
    This was one of the worst cards, almost a definite loss. Taste: 1. Sounds about right.
  2. Garibaldis. What the hell is the point?! Just gross.

    IMG_5744.jpeg
    I really don’t get them.
  3. Fig rolls. I’m including these mainly because we were gutted when we got the fig roll card in Take the Biscuit. Figs are grim.

    IMG_5745.jpeg
    Awful. Taste: 6. What the fuck? How can they be the same as a Jaffa Cake?

There you have it, then. My definitive guide to biscuits!

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27 thoughts on “An ode to biscuits: Part Two

  1. Lol, I love this and the Take the Biscuit cards made me chuckle. I have to confess that I quite like all three of your worst biscuits (especially pink wafers) although none of them would make it into my favourites list. Jaffa Cakes would though (and I agree with you that they cannot possibly be compared taste-wise to a Fig Roll) and I think the other two in my top three would be the new golden Oreos and Jammie Dodgers. Yum! Off to the kitchen now to raid the biscuit jar…! #BloggerClubUK

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I love a biscuit review! Me and my husband often discuss our favourite crips! Chocolate chip shortbread is the best, and I hate Garibaldi and Fig Rolls – as you say “what is the point?” You have made me hungry for biscuits, but unfortunately we don’t have any in the house, so tea on it’s own it is. Claire x #BloggerClubUK

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I knew fig rolls would be in the dislike list, I don’t know anyone who likes them, I’m not sure how they survive?! I think a good old chocolate digestive or malted milk would be my favourite depending on my mood. Great post, it’s always fun to dream of biscuits!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Haha, this made me laugh so much!!!!! An excellent overview of a topic clearly very close to your heart!! I agree with the pink wafers-just vile! I think my favourite line was ‘why ruin a perfectly good biscuit by putting a raisin in it?’ !!!!! Again, I agree!! I feel the same about any type of dessert actually-I like my desserts to be creamy or chocolate gooey, and contain no fruit at all!! Like the line in Friends where joey says to a waiter ‘umm, there appears to be some red crap on my dessert?’ about the coulis, I feel the same! I used to love a good Jaffa cake as a child, maybe not so much as an adult! The children adore them though!! Great post!
    #stayclassy

    Liked by 1 person

  5. This is too funny! Totally agree, adding fruit completely ruins a biscuit. I’m going to be honest though, I haven’t had number 2 or 3…SHOCK! I’m originally from San Francisco so even though I’ve been living in the UK now for 3 years and I’m still discovering new biscuits! I absolutely love them. I think I’m going to do a tasting session and get all the good ones you mention here and figure out my fav. : )

    Side note: ew! Fig rolls are disgoost

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I actually quite like pink wafers!! But then I think thats because I had a pink fetish when I was little. You have also reminded me that I brought some jaffa cakes the other day and they are still sitting in the cupboard. So after dinner I am going to get them out and have a few (well maybe a packet I am pregnant after all!!). Thanks for joining us at #BloggerClubUK hope to see you again next week x

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Hi, sorry hun, I am a garibaldi fan.. i even learnt how to make them! They are really easy to make, but you wouldn’t think it. Jaffa “cake” – it’s a biscuit though! Great post

    Liked by 1 person

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