We are coming up to a part of our parenting journey (could that phrase be any more wanky?!) that I am really nervous about. Weaning. The main source of my nervousness? I can’t cook!! I am entirely useless in the kitchen.
It wasn’t always this way, I actually did quite well in Food Tech at school and used to occasionally bake a cake. I think it was the fact that I used very detailed recipes and that my mum helped me as once I was let loose alone I usually failed miserably. I managed to feed myself for three years at uni without dying or getting scurvy but there was a lot of frozen pizza, fish fingers and my personal favourite; plain pasta and cheese. Plus I had some very good friends who cooked for me.
I was reminded of my ineptitude today as my niece had made cupcakes for a family barbecue over the weekend. They were delicious and there’s a few left over sitting prettily in my kitchen. There were also tons of bread rolls left and she had suggested I make iced buns with them. Now, putting icing onto a roll can’t be hard, surely? I made the icing but unfortunately we didn’t have much icing sugar. I added too much water to it and the icing was then a bit too runny to sit properly on the bun. The result is below…
This got me thinking about other times I’ve created kitchen nightmares. Here’s a couple of domestic disasters I’ve had:
- Putting a plastic pot from the microwave onto the electric hob. Which had just been on. This had the unhappy result of melted plastic everywhere, a stench we couldn’t get rid of and marks on the hob forever more. What’s worse is that I did this again a few weeks later although I reacted a lot quicker second time around so the damage was limited.
- When I was at uni I put a frozen crumpet in the toaster. It got stuck. So I put a knife in to get it out. LUCKILY I did not die from an electric shock, but the electricity did short circuit. It was about 4am and I was far from sober, so I slunk into a housemate’s room sobbing about ‘breaking the house’. I was told to shut up and go to bed, and by the time I surfaced one of my more capable housemates had flicked the fuse and all was well.
- This one isn’t exactly a cooking fail but it does involve food; I poured orange juice onto my cereal. So tragic when you’re in a rush.
- I tried to stir fry some noodles that were meant to be boiled. Yeah, they were dry ones. To this day I don’t know why I thought that would work or how I didn’t realise.
I think there are many, many more but I can’t face dredging my memory for all the things I’ve repressed.
And now I have to try and feed my child. We are going to give baby led weaning a whirl so I’ve bought the Baby Led Weaning cookbook as well as the River Cottage one. Any tips for SERIOUSLY EASY recipes that a baby may enjoy would be much appreciated. If it involves precise timings then it’s probably a no-go zone. My husband will still do some of the cooking but I can’t really expect him to do it all, especially when he then has to go to work. I figure it’s about time I got more confident (not to mention capable) in the kitchen, especially as I love my food so much. It would be amazing to be able to make my own cakes and actually enjoy the process. I may have to keep a record of my attempts of cooking for my poor little boy on this blog as I’m fairly sure it will make amusing reading!
So there it is, my uselessness laid out for you all to see. Anybody else got cooking failures to share?!