Deep breath days

This is my less offensive name for shit days. Days when the baby will not be left alone, screams every time you leave the room and generally whinges almost constantly. Days where you find yourself taking deep breaths, often, because you don’t want to shout at your poor child who (no matter how much it may seem that way at the time) is not deliberately trying your patience.

Maybe it’s a day when your toddler is perfecting their tantrum technique, your preschooler is refusing to eat anything that’s not beige, your child has just told you they hate you, your teenager won’t put down their phone to eat their dinner…whatever your family situation is, I think all parents have these days. Days where it’s necessary to count to 10 and take a deep breath before responding to your kids or partner.

These are the days where as soon as their dinner is done you crack open a beer, rummage around for chocolate to eat while you hide in the kitchen and count down how long it is until their bedtime. Days where, no matter how much sleep you have had, you feel so very weary.

TM (almost bald 8 month old baby in a white vest) clinging onto my leg. I'm wearing black trousers and we are stood on a beige carpet. You can see my toes which are painted purple.
You know it’s going to be a long day when it starts like this…

This isn’t every day. And even on these days there will be flashes of joy: you hear that giggle or get a smile and cuddle which reminds you of how brilliant your kid is, how special and adorable. You know people tell you to cherish every moment but that isn’t easy when those moments are full of ‘for fuck’s sake why are you crying?’

Real life isn’t like Instagram or Pinterest. We can’t all be our best, every day. You aren’t going to be happy and content all of the time – and more to the point, your kids aren’t going to be calm and well behaved 24/7. You aren’t going to fill every day with crafts and trips to the beach (or if you do, you’re amazing!) – there will be days that will be boring and frustrating and mundane.

Why have I written this post? Just to say that we all have bad days. We all have moments where we lose our shit, say things or act in a way that in our ideal parenthood world we never would. But that doesn’t make us bad parents. It just makes us human. So for those of you taking deep breaths today, you’re not alone and you will come out the other side. Have another glass of wine and start again tomorrow.

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57 thoughts on “Deep breath days

  1. Love the honestly of your post…”Real life isn’t like Instagram or Pinterest” So so true and the more bloggers speak up and highlight this fact the more supported parents will feel. Thank you (: #TwinklyTuesday

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I really need to read this at the moment. My life definitely isn’t like pinterest or instagram. It’s always good to know I’m not the only one who has shit days.x #dreamteam

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  3. I love you even more for writing this. You’ve just accurately described a modern phenomena in my life that mere mortals refer to as “Thursday”. “Thursday” damn near does me in but yes, there’s always that glimmer of something happy in there, even if it’s very fleeting. Last Thursday I was about ready to run away to Paris when I caught Mouse gently cuddling some weeds along a grass verge. She was still an utter dick but in that fraction of time she was a gentle, kind dick! Love you Ed xxx

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    1. Awww Moose you’re always so lovely to me!! Why Thursday’s in particular?! It’s funny isn’t it they do like to throw in an adorable curveball just when you’re ready to lock yourself in the bathroom and cry 😂 Thanks for reading my sweet, Ed xx

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      1. Monday to Wednesday I only have the small one, Thursday and Friday I have both. Thursdays always take me by surprise! That sounds awful, like I can’t bear two solid days with both offspring. But by then I’m kind of worn out from having the baby…like, imagine three days of your regular week and then boom, here’s a toddler in the mix too and she wants all of your attention because she’s been in childcare all week. I must focus more on the cuddling flowers moments! Fab post lovely xxx

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  4. This is so true – it’s unrealistic to cherish every moment because some moments are shit. Like tonight, when the Popple threw a tantrum when we tried to give her a bath, ran away, then howled as she got undressed. But there were good moments before the bad one. so I’m trying to focus on those. Deep breaths! #DreamTeam

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  5. shit days are a struggle. It makes me not want to be the grown up for just a day. Just so I can sit in the sofa and watch films and eat everything! X

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  6. This is a great post and so true! I have been feeling like this for awhile now because of the kids being home from school all summer. My youngest has camp but he only has two days left and for 3 weeks didn’t go because of financial issues (here you have to pay per week and it’s pretty expensive). I am so looking forward to school starting so I can get back to my normal routine that most definitely includes time to myself. I love my boys but they can try my patience sometimes. I spent the bulk of the summer doing fun things with them so that summer wouldn’t be boring for them or for me but after a while I just need to chill and that’s hard to do. Wine has definitely become my friend again, LOL! Thanks for writing and sharing this with us! #bloggerclubuk

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    1. Ah thank you for your lovely comment. It must be difficult when you have all the kids at home 24/7 and your routine is all out of whack! Hope you get some time to yourself soon and keep on enjoying that wine, you deserve it. Thanks for reading, Ellen

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  7. I guess the crappy days are there to help us appreciate the good days more 😂😂 Bloody hard work sometimes though and sometimes the prospect of chocolate / takeaway / alcohol is the main thing that keeps me going!! #BloggerClubUK

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  8. Couldn’t agree more! In fact, it’s the whole philosophy for my blog 🙂 I needed to read this today as we are entering the ‘terrible 1s’ – I never knew this was a thing but my daughter has changed the rules!! #stayclassymama

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  9. Great post! I have now perfected my deep breaths to which I mentally say to myself ‘in with anger out with love’ as Layla is having one of her screaming matches. It’s nice to know as mums we are not alone and not every child is ‘perfect’ #ablogginggoodtime

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  10. Oh Ellen there is something in the water isn’t there. But your post is much nicer and kinder than mine was. Nonetheless it is reassuring to know that we all have days like this and yes very true words, tomorrow is a new day. Lots of love xx #stayclassymama

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  11. thank you my lovely friend for writing this because I have had one hell of a long deep breath day today. Hubby has gone away overnight and I’m here with the boys. There have been some ah moments but there have also been many deep breaths… And I can’t sleep. So thank you for making me feel better! 🌸

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    1. Ah my love it’s always hard on your own! I hope you got some sleep and thank you so much for your comment – it’s when people say things like that that I’m so glad I write these posts! Hope today is a better day my lovely, Ellen xx

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  12. Yes… Yes and yes. We definitely can’t be perfect, and no matter what anyone says, I think there will be days where no matter how hard you try.. it’s going to be tantrum central. Thanks so much for linking up to the #dreamteam and here’s to a better day tomorrow 🍰 X

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  13. I feel like this should be a deep soulful song sung by Bon Iver or something. Excellent post, I completely agree. We are human and we can’t blame ourselves for having that beer at dinner and counting the clock until bed time or getting frustrated with our little one. I feel you girl. Thanks for your honesty and sharing with #StayClassyMama!

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  14. Hahaha. Sums up my day today. I am exhausted and I can’t fall asleep. I could barely go pee today. She just screamed and threw a tantrum just to show me who is boss in the house. My eyes are closing but not totally. Another glass of wine and I am out! Until she wakes up again and here we go…another day in Paradise. It is all worth it but sometimes I just want to ask Why? Why you crying? What’s your problem?

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